The 3-Book Series : Ending the Pattern – From Awareness to Alignment
by Julia Shantal
Style & Visibility Expert · Emotional Blueprint Teacher · Author
Over the past decade, I’ve worked with thousands of women across personal branding, visibility, confidence, leadership, emotional clarity, and major life transitions.
These books were written from that lived work – not theory.
While the format of my work has evolved, the result has stayed consistent:
Women who see themselves clearly stop self-abandoning, and move forward with certainty.
Each book meets you at a different stage of the same pattern – awareness, understanding and alignment.
Book 1 (Stop Dating Avoidants) – Awareness. See the pattern. Name it. Stop blaming yourself.
Book 2 (Why I keep attracting emotionally unavailable people? – Understanding. Learn why the pattern repeats – and what begins to shift when you stop forcing change.
Book 3 (The end of Self-Abandonment) – Alignment. Rebuild self-worth, nervous system stability and life direction.
Each book is explained below. You can read them individually – or experience the full shift through the 3-book bundle.
How to Read These Books
These books are not meant to be skimmed.
They are short, intentional, and written from lived experience — which means they often read quickly, but land slowly.
Read with pauses.
Notice what feels familiar.
Let certain lines sit with you before moving on.
Many readers return to the same chapters more than once — not because the content is complex, but because you will be different each time you read it.
This is not information to consume.
It’s a pattern to recognise — and then release.
Get the 3-book Bundle here:
DON’T DATE AVOIDANTS
(UNTIL YOU’RE HEALED)
by Julia Shantal
Style & Visibility Expert · Emotional Blueprint Teacher · Author
You didn’t attract avoidant men because you’re unlovable.
You attracted them because you were emotionally starved.
If you grew up:
- over-performing
- shrinking
- people-pleasing
- being the “strong one”
or begging for emotional crumbs…
Your nervous system was trained to call anxiety chemistry and abandonment passion.
Avoidant men weren’t your mistake.
They were your mirror.
And now?
It’s time to break the pattern for good.
What Readers are Saying
Real messages from women who recognised themselves in this book.
Shared with permission. Names shortened for privacy.
“I used to chase, explain, overgive, and adapt myself to his lack of effort and inconsistency.
I was getting nowhere — only frustration, disappointment, and loneliness. I came from a place of low self-esteem where his constant rejection made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.
The breadcrumbs kept me hooked until I realised he was the one not good enough for me.
I stopped chasing, went silent, treated no-contact like a detox from the dopamine hit. I blocked and deleted him.
My life keeps getting better. My confidence is growing. I finally understand my patterns.”
— Sandra
“I finally understand my own patterns – and the men I’ve dated.” – Christina
“I just wanted to say that I am starting your book and i cannot believe how not only beautifully that it’s written, but how much it speaks to me in what I’m going through…. and I’m so grateful that i came across your page.” – Michelle
“I read the book and it is awesome.” – Sunny
These women didn’t change men. They changed what they were willing to tolerate.
This book shows you why you stayed – and how to stop repeating it:
- why you keep attracting avoidant partners
- how emotional famine shapes your dating pattterns
- why intensity feels like love (but actually isn’t)
- How to stop choosing emotionally unavailable men
- how to build self-worth so you attract secure partners
- how to finally choose love that chooses you back.
Don’t Date Avoidants – The Book that Changes Everything NOW AVAILABLE
For the woman who finally woke up and said:
“I deserve emotional safety — not emotional starvation.”
This book is for you if:
- you keep attracting avoidant, inconsistent men
- you feel anxious, confused or “not enough” in relationships
- you’re healing from emotional neglect or intensity – based love
- you want to break trauma-bonding and choose healthy love
- you’re done with heartache and ready for self-worth
Inside the book, you’ll learn:
- why you keep attracting avoidant partners
- how emotional famine shapes your dating pattterns
- why intensity feels like love (but actually isn’t)
- How to stop choosing emotionally unavailable men
- how to build self-worth so you attract secure partners
- how to finally choose love that chooses you back.
Why do I Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable People?
If you’ve ever wondered why you keep ending up in the same emotional dynamic – where you care deeply, wait longer, explain more… and still feel unseen or emotionally alone –
this is not a coincidence.
It’s a pattern.
Not because something is wrong with you, but because certain protection strategies were learnt early – and now quietly shape who you’re drawn to.
This isn’t about blame.
And it’s not about fixing yourself.
It’s about recognising the pattern – so you can finally step out of it.
Start here:
1. Read the book – Why do I keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable People?
This book explains why emotional unavailability feels familiar, how self-protection turns into self-abandonment, and why you stayed – even when intimacy was missing.
This is not about blame. And it’s not about fixing yourself. It’s about understanding the pattern so you can finally step out of it.
Optional:
Take the Emotional Pattern Quiz. A short self-reflection to help you notice how you respond to closeness, distance and emotional availability.
Are you the One Pulling Away?
This book is about rebuilding self-worth, nervous system stability, and life direction after emotional depletion.
Not about dating – about identity.
The End of Self-Abandonment is a psychological and emotional reckoning for women who are exhausted from carrying life alone.
It explores how self-worth, self-concept, and nervous system conditioning shape the relationships we choose, the roles we accept, and the lives we repeat — often without realising it.
This book is for women who are not broken, but burnt out from being the strong one.
This book is for you if:
- You are capable, intelligent, and emotionally aware — yet still feel unseen or unmet
- You’ve been the “mature one,” the understanding one, the one who adapts
- You attract emotional distance, inconsistency, or partners who cannot meet you
- Rest feels uncomfortable. Receiving feels unsafe. Asking feels heavy
- You sense a pattern — but don’t know how to step out of it
This book does not teach you how to attract love.
It helps you understand why love has felt like effort, and what shifts when you stop abandoning yourself to keep life running.
The Complete Healing Journey
Get all 3 books (Special Bundle deal):
The End of Self-Abandonment
RESET 1:1 Transformation Consultation
A 60-minute, queen-coded emotional blueprint decoding session for women who are DONE with:
- avoidant men
- hot-cold dynamics
- breadcrumb love
- mixed signals
- overgiving
- low self-worth cycles
- attracting the same pattern in a new body
In this one-hour breakthrough, you will learn:
✨ Why you attract avoidant or unavailable partners
✨ Your emotional starvation story
✨ Your nervous system pattern
✨ How intensity became your “normal”
✨ How to choose emotional safety instead
✨ Your new healed-woman blueprint
This is your first step into the healed identity that no longer tolerates crumbs.
What women experience through this work
The experiences shared below come from women who have worked with me across different stages of their journey – through my books, workshops, private 1:1 sessions and advisory work over the years.
Results vary because each woman begins from a different place – but the patter of internal shift remains consistent.
“Working with Julia helped me rethink how i present myself – not just online, but in life. I’m clearer, more confident, and finally aligned with where i’m going.” Mabel
“This work met me exactly where i was. It wasn’t about fixing myself – it helped me understand why i was stuck and how to move forward without forcing change.” Mrs Lim
“I learned how to stop second-guessing myself and start responding differently – in my business, my decisions, and how i show up every day.” Anna
“Julia doesn’t rush you or push you a formula. She listens deeply, asks the right questions, and guides you in a way that feels safe, grounded and honest.” Wati
“After applying Julia’s guidance, i gained clarity on my direction and saw real progress – increased engagement, stronger presence, and better results overall.” Shana
“This wasn’t a short-term boost. The shifts stayed with me. I now move with more self-trust, confidence and purpose.” Serene
“Julia’s work goes beyond strategy. It changed how i see myself, how i make decisions, and how i step into the next phase of my life.” Grace
RESET 1:1 Transformation Session
This is the work behind the results you’re reading.
The RESET session is a private 1:1 space to:
– identify where you’re self-abandoning
– regulate your nervous system
– restore alignment in how you think, choose and move
– stop repeating the same emotional and behavioural loops
This is not advice. It’s orientation.
Apply for a RESET 1:1 :
Youtube Membership
A calm space to think clearly again
This membership is for women who feel mentally tired. You think a lot. You reflect a lot. You’ve tried to understand yourself. But you still feel confused. Not emotional. Just tired in your head. This space is for that.
What this membership is
This is not therapy.
This is not motivation.
This is not emotional dumping.
This is a quiet, private space where i help you:
– slow down your thoughts
– feel steady instead of scattered
– understand what’s happening without panic
– stop going in circles in your head
I explain things in simple, clear language so you can think properly again.
What you get:
– 1 members-only video every week
– Topics like:
– why you stil feel lost even after trying so hard
– how to calm yourself without forcing
– why you keep giving too much
– how to tell anxiety from real calm
– A private comment space (i answer selected questions clearly)
I don’t do private counselling inside the membership or give urgent advice. I explain things clearly so you can understand yourself better.
If you need personal clarity/support, please book 1:1 RESET with me as above.
This membership is for you if:
– your mind never feels quiet
– you overthink even when nothing is wrong
– you’re tired of advice but still want clarity.
– you want to feel steady again
How to Join – Click here for YOUTUBE Membership.
The Transformation Program
A full identity rebirth — style, mindset, and emotional blueprint.
This program is for the woman who is ready to rise into the version of herself she always knew was inside:
the woman with style
the woman with self-worth
the woman who chooses stable love
the woman who is unforgettable
the woman with presence
the woman who knows her value
the woman who STOPPED chasing avoidants
Inside this program, you’ll learn my signature RESET-to-REBIRTH system:
Emotional Blueprint Healing
Feminine Presence & Magnetic Energy
Style Resurrection™
Self-Worth Rewiring
Visibility & Queen Identity
This is NOT a styling program.
This is NOT a dating program.
This is an identity transformation.
📌 Applications open to RESET clients only.
Why I Created This Movement
I spent 40 years emotionally starving:
- married to the wrong man
- carrying financial burdens
- attracting avoidant men
- dressing from pain
- shrinking to be chosen
- chasing intensity instead of safety
- misunderstanding my own trauma
- choosing men who could not choose me
My famine era shaped my wisdom.
My healing shaped my calling.
My voice shaped this movement.
Today, my life’s work is helping women:
✨ understand their emotional starvation
✨ heal their nervous system
✨ stop dating avoidants
✨ resurrect their style & presence
✨ rise into their queen identity
✨ choose stable men who show up
✨ build a life they’re proud of
This book is not just a book.
It’s my story.
Your story.
Our story.
And it begins here.
If you want first access to future chapters, workshops, relationship trainings, and my signature healing programs, join our mailing list.
Join our Email List:
Thank you for your response. ✨
Seoul Aesthetic & Style Transformation Concierge. Trusted by 30000 women across Asia. 